This morning's sermon at church was about overcoming discouragement. I love it when the message seems like it is for me. As soon as Pastor David opened with the focus of today's message I felt such relief. I went to church feeling completely defeated. I felt physically weak and spiritually malnourished. I was empty. I didn't even want to go to church because I knew I would have to smile and be around people when I only felt like isolating myself and dealing with my misery on my own.
It's exhausting sharing with people. For me it seems so hard to share my heart because I have such a big problem with words. Sometimes when I speak it feels like I am just vomiting up my words. My words are ugly, they don't connect, they don't make sense, and people don't understand. I feel like Moses a lot.
Luckily this morning I didn't have to share with anyone because I ran out the door after church. This is not a good example to follow...I am sorry God.
Pastor David led the church through these verses this morning.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
It is encouraging to know that He will never leave me. Because of His presence in my life, I have the strength to live. Before I really welcomed God into my life, I wanted nothing more then to no longer feel the pain and hurt that life was giving me. There were a few times that I just wanted to die because I was so unbearably sad. I remember being so despaired at one point that I physically felt dizzy and sick. It was terrible. But thank God life took a turn! I slowly began to hear truth. I hooked up with some great friends and started going to a Bible church where I got fed of spiritual food. Food that only Jesus can give. He gave me life, a reason to live. It was through His presence and the amazing people that surrounded me that I began to see light in my life. My burden of depression slowly began to lift off my back.
Jesus overcame the world. To overcome means to conquer, to defeat, to prevail, to win. There are so many things in my life that give me trouble. Life brings things that just seem too big to handle. It's like an elephant is at my front door and I am expected to take care of it in my 580 sq ft apartment. Ha! But take heart, Jesus says. For He is bigger than this world. He has defeated this world. There is nothing in my life that He cannot handle, even a huge elephant in my small apartment.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
When I wanted to die, back before I knew the love of Jesus, I relied on myself for everything. I was living life the way I knew how. The voice in my head said, "Be the best you can be, do your best to push through, get through the day." The voice also said, "You're ugly, you're fat, you will never have a good relationship with a boy, you will never find peace, you will always be unhappy." Ugh! How discouraging! No wonder I wanted to die! I was listening to the lying voice in my head that obviously was not from God. God does not speak this way. God is of love and these remarks do not reflect love. When I rely on myself I am relying on a sandcastle to be my place of refuge. I am chasing after the wind. I am focused on something that will only pass away with time. I need to rely on something that is eternal. This is why Paul tells us to rely on God. On Christ the solid rock I stand. I have noticed that when I rely on Christ to get me through my struggles, the struggles become praiseworthy because I know God has a plan to show His strength in my weakness. The loss of a job becomes an opportunity to serve God. An argument with my husband becomes an opportunity to know him in a deeper way.
As soon as I walked into church this morning I felt completely renewed simply because I heard truth in the worship. God's truth is a cure for every sickness. I was feeling sick with emptiness and God filled me up with His truth, and reminded me of the peace I have in my relationship with Him. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. Amen.
